#TransDayOfVisibility2021

Happy #TransDayOfVisibility! Here I am. I'm a transgender lesbian woman.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable? Don't like my hairline, or my brow, or my nose, or my jaw, or my lips, or my stubble, or shoulders?

Well, tough. This is what testosterone hormones do to a girl's body. Look.

Look at me. Look at what those hormones have done to me, for life. Look. Fuck your feelings. You should be grateful I have pants on.

Where's your valid and reasonable concerns for putting girls through testosterone hormones now, dickheads?

Where was your concern when I attacked my own mother at age 10 for mocking me over wanting to be pretty like the Bond girl in GoldenEye?

Where was it when I was having a screaming, crying meltdown at age 16 because I wasn't allowed to grow my hair? Where were you when I spent my school day fantasising about having long hair like all the other girls?

Where were you when I shut myself in my room from age 11 to 17, spending all my time alone on my computer or playing games because living any other life in any other body was better than mine?  Where were you when I lived in constant fear of becoming a man all those years? 

Where was your concern when I walked around my school grounds alone, talking to myself aged 13, praying out loud to God that my voice wouldn't break because I was terrified, and didn't want to change? 

Where were all your concerns when I was 17, spending all my time daydreaming of another life as a young woman, who had all the confidence and sense of self I had never been allowed to find? 

Where were your concerns for my healthy development when I failed to have a teenage rebellion phase because I had no sense of self to develop? When I had been deprived of so much as the words to even describe what I was, and left with nothing to rebel *with*?

This is pectus carinatum, by the way. Deformed chest cartillage. I can't breathe through my chest properly because of it. I can't exercise properly. I refused surgery at 14, because I wanted  my chest to push out like a woman's. Where are all your long-term health concerns now?

Where was all your concern for my well-being when I was alone in my room in my fresher's year, breaking down and crying because I had no friends, and had never felt so hopelessly alone and helpless in my life? As if I would never find anyone else like me in the world?

Where were you and all your concerns for mental health and autism when I was going absolutely insane with grief, having full-blown psychotic breaks that lasted years, completely detatching from reality and dissociating, whilst every counselor rejected my case as too complex?

Where was your mental health concern when I quit my first job before they could fire me for weeks' worth of unexplained absence aged 25? When I was scribbling like a child on a sickness benefit form that my whole life was a pretend story I made up, and I wanted to kill myself?

Look at me, and answer me, you two-faced, low-life, weaselly, snivelling cowards. Look at what hormones have done to a woman's body, for 20 years. Where are all your reasons and concerns now? Where is your care for my deformities? For my disabilities and my health? Where? 

I for one would be shocked -- SHOCKED -- to hear that you don't care. That you never really had any actual concerns for what forcing a girl through exposure to testosterone would do to her mind or her body. 

This is what it looks like. 

Look at me. Look at what you've done. 

You've robbed me of my childhood. Of my entire adolescence. Of all of my 20s. People don't live long past 30 in your precious natural real world, because we're not actually supposed to. I have so little of that precious youth left now. You took from a child, and you don't care.

I was born over a month premature. Entire teams of doctors and nurses **fought** to keep me alive in an incubator for **six months straight**. They sewed my lungs and heart back up by hand too many times to count just so I could live. There are no other cases like mine. My life is the most precious thing in the world. Wasting even a moment of a life that so many people sacrificed so much to let me keep has got to be a sin against the mercy of God. 

I didn't waste it. You did. You stole and squandered years of a life that was not yours to take. If there is a God, I hope She never forgives a damned one of you for what you did to Her daughter. What you continue to do, willfully, to so many of Her children because you don't really care about what testosterone does to a woman. You never have, you never will. Your interest is in self-righteously crowing about doing harm whilst men grow hips & breasts that drive them mad with grief and pain and do them nothing **but** harm.

You selfishly demand that people you consider women flaunt tits and hips and pop out babies for your pleasure. You complain that actual women don't look or sound or dress like women enough for your perverse satisfaction, and you have the **gall**, the absolute fucking **nerve** to pretend you're feminists.

No. I am a woman, I'm a feminist, and you can take a good, long look at my face and my hair and my body, and fucking deal with it. I am not going back. No amount of abuse, or coercion, or cajolery, or conversion, can make me. You are not taking another second of my life away.

You did this to a woman. To a **vulnerable lesbian girl**, and I will spend the rest of my life making damned sure it is **you** who deals with the consequences. Not me.You violated a woman's body, and now you try to victim-blame her. No.

No, because despite everything you did to my woman's body -- that lifetime of relentless **assault** and **violation** -- I still love it. It took years, **decades**, but I love it now more than I ever have. I love my hair, and my eyes, and my legs; and you can't take that away. 

I'm a beautiful woman. I don't need hormones or surgery to make that true. Take one last good look at what you did to me, and feel fucking ashamed and guilty, like you should. You'll have to, 'cause it won't be me, and it never will be again.

Fuck off, cunts. You're a disgrace. 

#TransWomenareWomen #TransIsBeautiful 

#TransDayOfVisibility